By Ibn Yahweh
Fellow Zikites, ever conscious Zikites, this is the voice of xyz. I congratulate you on your admission into the first and best university in Africa and top best in the world. If you find yourself in Nnamdi Azikwe Hall, o ku oriire. You’re now in Baluba kingdom where gentleman no dey. You’re scared? Common! Don’t be. Patiently read through this piece.
Now that you live in Zik, I want to give you tips on how to be the greatest Zikite that ever lived. You know we’re meant to aspire to perspire and kafaya the greatness. Here’s how to be the greatest Zikite:
Firstly, you must be rough. Yes you read that right. How can you not be rough in Zik. Don’t you know it’s your trademark. After all, hasn’t the Bible said by their fruits you shall know them? So be rough please, as it’s by your roughness you shall be known. Inside Baluba, gentleman no dey o. In fact if your roughness pass Portable own, express it. Are you not in the first and best.
In addition to roughness, you must learn to be a noise maker. Don’t mind Adekunle Gold who sang, “…. Ariwo koni music…” because in this kingdom, ariwo ni music. You can wake up in the midnight and scream, “ebi n pami mi o” or roar, “yeeeeeeeeeeee” it’s the ways of the kingdom. Never mind those ajebota who say your noise is much. Noise is the way to be in Zik.
Let me add this, aro. Hmmmm… you must be an aroite ooo. In the beginning was aro, and aro was Zik and Zik was aro. You must body-shame, ohhhh sorry compensate the beauty of the girls that pass by. “God dey create abeg” so your way to be awed by God’s creation is aro. So please do a lot of aro. Body shame… ohhhh please pardon me, compensate their beauty as they walk crying at your jibes and mockery. Aro is the way to salvation.
That’s all I have for now, till I get to write you again. Stay blessed.
