Satire: Appreciate The Great Leader

Image Credit: Clker

By The Muffin Man

Disclaimer: This writeup is not meant to hurt the sensibilities of any individuals, persons and or institutions. If your sensibilities are going to be offended, maybe you just should not read it as the writer will not be liable for any mental, physical and or psychological pain. This writeup is meant to serve as enlightenment for the mind that doesn't know; the mind which is not free.

Some of y’all don't know how politics and student leadership works and it shows. All you know how to do is to rock the boat. Just open mouth waa and criticise. You don't know that had it not been for the compassionate leadership, innovation and selflessness that our leaders have brought on board,we most definitely would not be where we are right now. Some of you are just too shortsighted to see it. Little wonder why only first class and 2.1 students are allowed to occupy core political posts in our union. They have what it takes. They even understand the appropriate lingo, terms like “collaborative partnership” and “strategic relationship”, or “symbiotic commitment”. Gone are the days of baseless radicalism, we have now stepped into the light of intellectual unionism.

Speaking of our union, our great leader understands how dire our situation is and he has taken it upon himself to provide comic relief for us every once in a while, afterall what gain would come of confronting our issues head on. Apart from the sophisticated and intensive career plans, he knows one or two about entertainment. And don't we all like to be entertained. On our side of the world, we prefer the vanity that comes with pageantry, the sophistication, the eye and lip service that comes with being special. We go there to cheer and shine teeth. If we can't cheer and shine teeth, that activity has no point.

Above all else, we must credit our great leader for this wonderful gesture. He really knows us and has hence tailored this plan to suit us, a practical depiction of reality TV. And as such, he has introduced a groundbreaking new innovation. Following the intense complaints from some quarters, the great leader has decided to take off his crown for a few hours and then hand it over to the individual with the most interesting toast. So, for twenty-four hours, on an auspicious date, every school fee complaint would be referred to the new supreme leader; every student welfarism case would be attended to by him; even the UCH students would bring their case; and the student issues will be referred to the new guy. In a way, this innovation will help the new guy build a sense of responsibility. It might even show that no one is as efficient in leadership as our great leader.

There is also the part of helping the SU raise money. Our association is broke. Through this initiative, who knows how many sponsors could come to collaborate with us? After all, we all naturally love pageantry. As we all know, money is the wheel of the SU bus.

And also, who knows what the new guy might do? Wearing the crown definitely has its perks. As the next lord commander of our student association, he might decide to redesign the union's letterhead; he might decide to create an account for the office across all social networks. He even has the power to attend the party meeting of the ruling party to present the interests of students, of course. He might even give in to pressure and call a congress, but we're probably going to blow that off anyway; after all, matters that primarily affect our welfare are nobody's concern.

This is why we must appreciate our great leader. I know after everything that's been said and done, some of you can only see the negative aspects. But, potatoes may potate. If you still can't see the light, you are definitely not fit to be called a Uite. Till we meet again, toodeloo, and remember to take a moment every day to celebrate the great leader, not just the one at the centre but also the one in your hall, department and faculties. We should thank them for giving us such a beautiful show. This spectacle is so fun; we should call it Big Brother UI.